pressure

I find that ever since I started blogging or instagramming I have followed certain blogs and bloggers. I had always wanted to be just like them. I would want to talk like them, dress like them and just be "cool" like them haha how lame is that? It's funny how even in your 20s you can idolize people and make them out to be something bigger than they are. 

25 is around the corner for me, literally three months away (WHAT?!) it's completely terrifying but also so satisfying. I finally feel like I'm coming into my own. I feel like the authentic me has been shining through and she's taking no shit. Not even from my own early 20 year old self ;) I have come to the conclusion that I'm not the type of girl who will ever have an instagram colour theme or relay a perfectly dreamy life. Seriously portraying that shit is HARD work and I hate editing photos and quite frankly I just don't care anymore. Not every aspect of my life is all white and brightly contrast and perfectly staged. It's just not. 

My life is messy, crazy and pretty scattered. That's how I like it. I have never wanted to put out a "fake" image, I want to be 100% me because I'm not perfect. My life isn't perfect and in this day and age I find that everyone tries to pretend that life is perfect. I mean, I get it. I usually only post the fun stuff and good stuff in my life but thats because when I'm having an "off" day I'm not in the mood to be on my phone or much less photograph it but I also don't fake like my life is always rainbows and butterflies. 

All I'm saying is that yeah I'm not the best blogger. I can go weeks without posting, I ramble on a lot, my photos aren't dreamy and hip, but I guess I never really started the blog to become "online famous" (although, I found myself at one point wanting that badly, that's a post for another day) but I really started it as a love letter to my future self. Something that I can look back on and remember all the fun stuff I did. Life moves at lightening speed and sometimes you forget things and I just want this to be my reminder. Even if it is online for other people to see, it's mainly for me. Lately, I've started remembering this again, this is for ME and I thoroughly enjoy it. I want to keep the pressure off myself and enjoy this again and not feel like I need to put off a certain image, I want to be wholly and completely me and I think that's okay. 

Have a happy week friends!

xo