Hello? Is anyone there?!

A little 2012 throwback!

Oh boy, it's been quite some time since I have posted on this little blog of mine. Honestly, I have been so busy writing blog posts for The Greatest Candle's blog that I just don't seem to have the energy to write even more on here! Life lately has been pretty busy, routine and a little mundane but isn't that kind of what life is about?

I decided to write on here today because it marks seven years since went on our first date. Whatttt?! I honestly can't believe how fast life is moving. It's crazy.

Anyways, lets talk a little bit about our first date! We had a huge four-in-one date night, we started off our night with some dinner at jackastors and I remember clearly that both of us got the bowtie pasta (which is still one of my favourite meals!) after that we went to a movie, I can't remember the name right now but Gerard Butler was the main character. Once our movie was done, we weren't quite done with our date so we decided to go mini golfing in St. Jacobs. Here's the hilarious part, after we went mini golfing my mom happened to call me (and yes, I answered) and told me to go to the Portuguese Club to go dancing. I told Brent that I'd drop him so that I could meet up with my parents when he suggested that he'd come too, I was a little hesitant. I mean its a little weird for the guy you're going on a first date with to meet your parents but I took him anyways! We danced ALL night and had SO much fun! My parents LOVED him and couldn't stop talking about him the next day!

It's funny how things work out, I never in a million years would have done that with any other guy. I guess you can say it was fate. A little back story as to why November 7th is so important to my family. My brother died on November 2nd 1990 and was buried on November 7th, that Saturday seven years ago was the first time my parents had gone out on that day. It was the first time that they were able to go out and enjoy themselves and to me it was kind of fate because they met their future son in law. My parents truly see Brent as the son they didn't get to have and cherish him greatly and if that's not special I don't know what is.

I sit here and can't help feeling grateful, I'm so lucky to be married to someone who is kind hearted, funny and who loves me so deeply. It's obvious relationships have their ups and their downs but there is no one else I would rather do life with. This coming Sunday is our seven year anniversary and I am so excited to celebrate with him.

It has been the best seven years of my life.

Patience

Patience... A virtue that I have not yet conquered.

I have been hearing for months that good things take time and while I understand that, sometimes you just want it to happen and you want it to happen NOW. Sometimes you want to be selfish and you want to have that horseshoe up your ass and know that the one thing you want is happening at that very moment. And sometimes you just need to bitch it out when its not happening! 

I like to think of myself as positive about 90% of the time, then theres that 10% that gets you all worked up and pissed off because seriously what the hell is taking so long. 

It's okay to be impatient sometimes, it's okay to be frustrated and it's okay to want to bitch it out. I know things will turn around, I know that I will get what I want but sometimes the process just sucks! Does anyone else feel this way? Do you ever get so frustrated and mad that you just want to give up? 

But I will never give up, mark my words, I will keep fighting for my goals and will keep working hard to achieve the things I want to achieve! Sometimes I think its okay to feel a little defeated and to just want to throw your hands up and say "well, I tried!" but I'm not going to let that feeling overwhelm me. I am bigger than it. Maybe its the Monday blues or the fact that the weather is so gloomy and rainy. But I will continue to make my way, do what I can and just trust in the process. 

Good things do take time and I just need to learn to be patient.  

It' a sad day

Another day, another failed marriage in Hollywood.

I don’t know about you but the fact that Brangelina are over is seriously disheartening. The other day Brent and I went for a drive and he had mentioned that he saw a tabloid that Brad & Angelina were divorcing, I literally scoffed and said “Hell no! There’s no way!”

When I asked him what tabloid he read that on, he told me it was InTouch which further confirmed that there was no way in hell. I mean how trustworthy is InTouch really?  I being the hopeless romantic that I am defended the couple and pointed out how they were a true iconic Hollywood couple, respectable actors who help those less fortunate in more ways than one, so obviously they have to have the perfect marriage, right? WRONG. According to my sister who read this on TMZ it’s a real thing and we should all mourn this tragic loss.

They were together for 10 years and married for two… Where did it all go wrong? Apparently he cheated (surprise, surprise?) That would for sure be a reason to leave a man. Damn Brad, why you gotta do that?!

Since I am a newlywed, I will stay optimistic on marriage. Brent and I have been together for almost 7 years and have been married for 2 months. I get asked quite frequently how “married life” is and my honest to god response is, exactly the same as dating and being engaged.

Other than my name changing everything is exactly the same and I like it that way, thank you very much. I enjoy being comfortable with Brent and having a life partner. We don’t call each other best friends because I read a huge article talking about how that shouldn’t be a thing and I agree with it 100%. You can read it HERE. But he is the love of my life.

I think that our relationship didn’t change drastically or anything because that happened to us 2.5 years ago, when we moved in together. Talk about changing the dynamics of your relationship! As someone who never lived outside of home when I moved in with Brent it was so different, I had to adjust to being the one doing the laundry (yes, I’m aware I was spoiled… thanks mom!), making dinner every night and maintaining a clean house. It was stressful at times but once we fell into sync there was no holding us back.

Do I know what will happen in 20 years? No. But do I believe that I found my forever person, hell yes. Divorce rates are so alarmingly high and I don’t get it. Unless you are 150%  certain about marrying someone don’t do it and if it starts going to shit, you work on it. We live in a time where people take the easy way out and if you’re getting abused mentally or physically obviously don’t stay in a relationship that’s harmful. I’m just saying that if you’re in a normal relationship there will be ups and there will be downs but you’re a team, you work together, you fight for your relationship. 

Unless he cheats, then you can most certainly tell him to screw off. 

RIP Brangelina. 

xo

Bridal showers

Heyyooooo! It's Friyay!

I know this is pretty late to post but I don't really care and I want to write about it :) 

I am totally spoiled, let me tell you why!

 My mother-in-law and my Mom threw me two bridal showers and they were both so beautiful! They were both differently themed (very much my personality, go moms!) and stunningly decorated, I am so fortunate to have such an amazing mom and mother-in-law. 

My mother-in-law threw me a Portugal & Wine themed bridal shower. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love Portugal and how much I loovee wine. There were grapes and pretty vines everywhere and Portuguese wine bottles with our faces on them. It was a really fun day just hanging out with the ladies, we ate some delicious food and played some games! It was so nice, I was so overcome with emotion by the end of it. I married into an amazing family and I am so lucky!

This was the Lisbon themed table. 

The Porto themed table. 

The Sintra table.

Another Porto table. I love the circle butter balls, they always make me feel so fancy! 

The Rose table. Fun Fact: Mateus Rose wine is my absolute favourite wine! I hardly drink it though, it gives me terrible hangovers! :( 

A friend of Brents mom made the sweetest cupcakes! I absolutely loved them!

My mom hosted a garden party themed bridal shower. It was unbelievably pretty, I couldn't believe how they had transformed our backyard! It literally looked like the pinterest team showed up and decorated it, Go Philipa and Go Natalie! There were teacups and teapots everywhere and it was amazing (especially since I got to keep all the new ones that they had bought!) My mom cooked a lot of the food and but there was a bunch of the food bought from several Portuguese BBQ places so obviously the food was phenomenal, I noticed I didn't take any pictures of the food and that's so sad because seriously it was the BEST part. 

Cutest welcome sign! 

Sign reads "Kathy and Brent 2016"

I couldn't get over how amazing all the little centre pieces were! So gorgeous :) 

Both of my bridal showers were so beautifully decorated and done. I am so grateful for all of the hard work that so many friends and family put into both. I will forever cherish these memories and I am so lucky to have married such an amazing guy!

Have a lovely weekend!
xo

Mrs. Swance

All photos were taken by my photographer Crestina. She does amazing work! 

You can see her website HERE.

Hey friends! 

So, I wanted to get on the topic of changing your name when you get married. I honestly believe that out of this whole marriage process what I found the most daunting was changing my name. I mean think of ALL of the paperwork and places I would need to call to make these changes!

 I was more than excited to sign my life over to Brent (haha I obviously had SOME nerves!) but changing my name was definitely what stressed me out the most. It's not that I wasn't excited to change my name and officially become Mrs. Swance, I had been dreaming about it since the day Brent and I said "I love you" for the first time but changing your name is such a personal thing, I mean we're literally changing our identity here! 

I am not one of those feminist women who needs to keep her maiden name to feel whole and if you are one thats awesome, power to women!! But regardless of my name change I still feel and know in my heart that I am and always will be Kathy Paulo. That will never change but being called Mrs. Swance sounds so adult, so official, so new. It has made me want to recreate myself in a way... I'm a wife now and one day I'll be a mother so being Kathy Swance is a new life adventure. 

My friends and I joke about how elegant (and kind of old) Kathy Swance sounds, I feel like in 50 years I'll be the type of granny that wears full out pastel suits and maybe one of those fancy British hats! 

Funny story and totally off topic but did you know that those funny hats are called Fascinators? When I was shopping for a mother of the bride dress with my mom we ended up in this really fancy section of the Bay that carried a British designers dresses and Fascinators. When we were paying for her dress at the cash register, the cashier (who was British) told me the name of the hats and I being the silly woman that I am just couldn't help but throw a pun and say "Wow, thats fascinating!!" haha the cashier, my mom and I had quite the giggle over that!

Although, it was the scariest part of the process it is actually the most fulfilling to me. It connects me on another level with Brent, we have officially become a family of two. It's Mr. & Mrs. Swance over here, we are legally and spiritually one and you know what, I love it. Being his Swance is so special to me.

Have you changed your name or decided to keep your maiden name? I'd love to hear your story!

xo

Getting healthy again

Good morning friends! 

It's Monday and instead of looking at it with disdain, I'm looking at it with a positive attitude. It's a new week, a fresh start and time to hustle. 

I've taken a good two month break from working out and eating healthy, my body has been making changes and I'm beginning to grow uncomfortable. I became super busy after the wedding and then my excuses began to grow and just like that I started to eat unhealthy and say fuck it to working out. It's funny how quickly you can fall off, it takes so much time and effort to achieve the goals I had achieved (fitness wise) and within a matter of weeks it all derailed. I'm not upset about it though life happens and thats okay!

A few weeks ago, when I did decide to start back up I decided to do it slowly and ease my way into it. Brent and I had decided to go on a run together and once we got back I was in major pain. I don't know what I did or how I did it but my knee was messed up, I couldn't walk down stairs (or up) without causing extreme pain and I had developed a cute little limp too. I finally feel like I'm on the mend and am so excited to work out again. I'm starting up BBG again and hopefully my knee can handle it. I

 will be taking it easy but I need to start moving my body it's seriously begging for it! 

If you're starting out your journey please let me know! I would love to follow along! 

Have a great week 

xo

That one time I saw a spaceship

Okay, so. I have wanted to write about this for a while but then I took my obvious break from the blog and then quite honestly forgot about it haha. The title may sound silly but I promise you, I don't wear a tin foil hat on the weekends and I certainly don't go alien hunting. But I do have a story about something I saw and it's totally up for discussion as to what it really was.

Well let us begin! 

Last year a friend and I decided to have a girls night outside, the fire pit was going and we had blankets laid out and a ton of food. We were slightly intoxicated but lets not let that little tid bit derail our story because believe it or not I have never hallucinated or seen "something" that wasn't actually there while intoxicated. 

So, as the night went on we were laying on the blankets looking at the stars and seeing faces in the clouds that passed by, as you can imagine it was a super zen feeling. I mean how can laying on some blankets and staring at the stars not be relaxing? 

We started talking about life and getting into really deep conversations, we talked about our futures, our beliefs and about alien life. We got into a big discussion over the fact of whether we are controlled by aliens (lol) and how silly it is to believe that we're the only living beings in this ginormous universe. We talked about how cool it would be to see aliens and you can just imagine how much more alien talk there was, here's a hint: a lot. 

I would say it was around 11:30pm- midnight when we saw this thing hovering over us. It was a good 50-100 meters above my house, it moved very slowly and was a large rounded rectangle shaped thing. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it WAS a spaceship (but like, maybe it was?) but it was very very weird and shaped like something I have never seen before. Maybe it was a helicopter or a drone? I don't know. All I know is that it got a little too close for comfort and scared the living daylights out of both of us. 

I remember laying there and hearing, "do you see that?" and I could only squeak out a "yes". As soon as it left (which was almost five minutes later), we breathed a sigh of relief and I immediately grabbed my phone and went on social media to figure out if it was some sort of plane that was looking for something (or someone) or if anything weird was going on in my small town. I didn't find anything. 

So, did I or did I not see a spaceship? I'm going to go with a yes, I totally did! Do you want to know why? Because that story is so much more fun! I would rather let my imagination go wild and have fun with it than sticking with the realistic story that it could've been a very large drone or helicopter (that made NO NOISE?!).

The hilariousness of that night and how fun it really was is something I'll cherish forever. 

And not knowing what we saw makes it that much better.

10 things

Hello Friends and happy September!

I can't believe we're already here... School has started, pumpkin spice everything has begun and soon enough it'll be cool outside and the trees with begin to start changing colours! It's crazy how fast this whole year has gone by... It feels like it has been a whirlwind. I've decided to do a 10 things about me, in case you're new around here ;) So, enjoy and leave me a comment with a few things about you! I'd love to hear them. 

1. I'm probably the biggest procrastinator in the world. I do most things very last minute. I think I enjoy the thrill of being stressed out and knowing I waited too long but most times I find that thats when I get the most creative. I just work really well under pressure. 

2. I like lists. I write lists all the time, grocery lists, to do lists, what I like most lists. I write them on a million scraps of papers, then I lose them and completely forget about them. It's a never ending cycle. 

3. I am trying keyword is TRYING to get back on the blog wagon but I find that it's been tough. I love chronicling my life and having a place to look back and see all of the things I have done in the past but for some reason I find it hard to really stick to it. Maybe blogging is a bit overrate but it's something I really enjoy doing! That being said I am going try to get back into it but do it differently, stay true to myself, have fun with it and say screw you to the pressure of being "perfect". 

4. I'm in the process of "self-discovery" that sounds SO lame but it's true! Hear me out! I feel like for a long time I haven't been myself, a lot of things have happened this year with the business, getting married and dealing with life's curveballs that sometimes you get so caught up in all of it. So I want to start writing down how I'm feeling, the steps I'm taking to discover who I am, what I truly want and what brings me happiness.  

5. I have anxiety. Even though it has been a good 3 months since my last serious anxiety attack, it is still something that I live with every day. I have gotten a lot better at controlling myself  and thankfully I have such a strong support system that whenever I start acting up my mom, Brent and my friends are so quick to be there for me and to bring me down to Earth. It's been a long learning process but I'm starting to finally feel "normal" again. 

6. I own a candle business and I love it so much. It took me a good year to find my love for my business again especially after such a tough first year. But in the last month I have found myself looking forward to working on it again, there's a lot of exciting projects coming up and I can't wait until I get to share them! 

7. I'm a creative type. I love arts and crafts (which is probably why I opened up a candle business), I love making videos and having fun and really allowing my artistic self to come out. For some weird reason, I had tucked away Ms. Krafty Kathy for a little while but I'm starting to bring her out again and it has been pretty fun! 

8. I am super frugal. If there is one aspect of my life that is extremely important its being frugal. I am your sales girl. I do not buy anything unless it is discounted or under $20. The year before I moved in with Brent I began buying all the stuff that I thought I would need for our home, you know dishes, curtains, decor etc. at that time Target was still a thing in Canada (RIP Target, I will always love you) and every single thing that I bought was found in the clearance section. I think it's super important to remember that you can have nice things on a budget or for cheap, so long as you look for it! ;) 

9. I love to read. I read all kinds of books from fiction, self-help books to biographies. I'll read any and all of it. 

10. I have one tattoo, it's my brothers birthday in roman numerals and I have about two more that I would like to get. I keep saying I want them but I always chicken out but this November I'm gonna do it! Hold me to it people! 

Have a great Tuesday!

xo 

Home

Hello Friends! What a whirlwind of months this has been. Life has been really crazy lately and I can't wait to catch you up! May & June were pretty wedding focused, I had a couple of bridal showers, my bachelorette party and an insane amount of stress. I mean whats a wedding without a few breakdowns, am I right? 

We just got back from Europe last Friday and it's been bittersweet. I love being home but I miss the cobblestone streets, delicious food and my family. Our wedding was a dream, it was the best day ever. I've heard numerous times that a lot of brides felt that their wedding days flew by and it happened all so fast, not to me. I felt like it was a LONG day and I was able to take in every single moment. It was absolutely perfect! 

I can't wait to share pictures from our wedding and our trip to Portugal, by far the greatest two weeks ever! It was so surreal to be surrounded by some of my closest friends in my favourite country! I loved seeing how much they loved Portugal and it filled me with a sense of pride in my culture. All our friends raved about it and continue to talk about how much fun we had. If you have never gone on a trip with your friends, you must add it to your bucket list. It is an awesome experience and so much fun! 

Now that I am home we have a few things coming up, we have a big Gift Show that we're attending for The Greatest Candle and in August it's my 25th birthday (say WHAT?!). I can't wait to have more time now to dedicate to my blog, my business and bettering myself. 

Portugal was a perfect break, life at home is often busy, stressful and exhausting but I'm feeling refreshed and ready to kick butt and do this life thing. Thanks for sticking around, let's just remember I am a self proclaimed "occasional blogger" ;) 

Happy hump day! 

xo 

Pilgrimage

Every year my mom does a 25 km pilgrimage, in thanks of the many good (and sometimes bad) things that happen in her life. My mother is a religious person, not one of those super strict types but religious nonetheless. Growing up we went to church every weekend, we laid our shoes out for Jesus on Christmas Eve (this is a tradition in Portugal lol) and we were always, always taught to say our prayers before bed. 

As the years have gone by my views of the catholic church has changed greatly and as a result I no longer go to church every weekend. Even though my beliefs in the church have shifted I am still a very spiritual person, I pray every night, I believe in God and although I don't go to church frequently I will still go for special events (weddings,baptisms etc.). 

So, when my mom said she was doing her pilgrimage on Saturday I decided to join her. In case you're wondering what a pilgrimage is, it's a journey of moral or spiritual significance. It is usually a journey to a shrine or other location of importance to a person's beliefs and faith. 

Over the last few months my mental health has been very up and down, I truly believe that the worst of it is finally over (fingers crossed) and I dedicated my own pilgrimage to that (among other things). 

This walk was by far one of the most challenging things I have ever done. I workout almost everyday, so I am a very active person and this walk was seriously tough. 25 kilometers in rain, wind and cold weather is no joke. At no point did I want to quit though, every time I started to feel a little pain I just kept reminding myself why I was doing this and it really worked.

Since I do workout frequently, I was curious to see how many calories I would burn during the walk. I can openly admit that I did not eat the healthiest meals the entire walk but honestly it seemed like there was a hole in my stomach because I was so hungry the ENTIRE walk, the rest of my night and the next day afterwards haha. 

 I am so happy and proud that I did it and am already planning to join her next year, I've even recruited Brent to do it with us (he is 100% atheist). Doing things that are so physically challenging and accomplishing them gives you such a sense of strength and determination. The body is an amazing thing. 

Happy Monday friends and I hope that you have a lovely week! 

happiness

What is happiness? 

That new car? A new job?  Those new clothes? A trip to Costa Rica? While all certainly are things that help make us happy, I don't really believe that they truly do make you happy. 

Happiness is something that needs to be worked on every. single. day. it is like a workout for your soul. It doesn't come easy but with a little work you can find it. I started reading the book "Happiness by Mathieu Ricard" and it has inspired me to be better. Oh boy, I seriously sound like a quack, HA! But seriously, why is it that we put so much effort into bettering our bodies, our jobs, our lives but we don't want to better our minds or our souls? 

I focused for so long on my life goals that I left behind something really important... me. I left me behind. I had tunnel vision on my future, on what I wanted, what would make me happy that I completely forgot to focus on the present and on myself. I'm now focusing on me. Body, mind and all. I'm treating myself with kindness, I'm looking deep inside and asking myself the real questions. "Who am I? What am I good at? What do I need to improve? What do I want? Why do I want it?" You know, all the "important" questions. 

Will I be happy if certain materialistic things happen in my life? Yes. I won't sit here and lie. I will be happy if certain goals are achieved, if my hard work pays off BUT I am also learning to be content with what I have NOW. If those goals aren't achieved it isn't the end of the world, it's just another building block to get to where I wanna go. 

I ask you to take a few minutes every day to focus a little bit on your mind. Meditate, talk to it, do whatever you gotta do to bring you some peace. 

Life is temporary, so make the best of the time you got! 

pressure

I find that ever since I started blogging or instagramming I have followed certain blogs and bloggers. I had always wanted to be just like them. I would want to talk like them, dress like them and just be "cool" like them haha how lame is that? It's funny how even in your 20s you can idolize people and make them out to be something bigger than they are. 

25 is around the corner for me, literally three months away (WHAT?!) it's completely terrifying but also so satisfying. I finally feel like I'm coming into my own. I feel like the authentic me has been shining through and she's taking no shit. Not even from my own early 20 year old self ;) I have come to the conclusion that I'm not the type of girl who will ever have an instagram colour theme or relay a perfectly dreamy life. Seriously portraying that shit is HARD work and I hate editing photos and quite frankly I just don't care anymore. Not every aspect of my life is all white and brightly contrast and perfectly staged. It's just not. 

My life is messy, crazy and pretty scattered. That's how I like it. I have never wanted to put out a "fake" image, I want to be 100% me because I'm not perfect. My life isn't perfect and in this day and age I find that everyone tries to pretend that life is perfect. I mean, I get it. I usually only post the fun stuff and good stuff in my life but thats because when I'm having an "off" day I'm not in the mood to be on my phone or much less photograph it but I also don't fake like my life is always rainbows and butterflies. 

All I'm saying is that yeah I'm not the best blogger. I can go weeks without posting, I ramble on a lot, my photos aren't dreamy and hip, but I guess I never really started the blog to become "online famous" (although, I found myself at one point wanting that badly, that's a post for another day) but I really started it as a love letter to my future self. Something that I can look back on and remember all the fun stuff I did. Life moves at lightening speed and sometimes you forget things and I just want this to be my reminder. Even if it is online for other people to see, it's mainly for me. Lately, I've started remembering this again, this is for ME and I thoroughly enjoy it. I want to keep the pressure off myself and enjoy this again and not feel like I need to put off a certain image, I want to be wholly and completely me and I think that's okay. 

Have a happy week friends!

xo 

just do it

Week 16 guys. I'm on week 16 of the Kayla Itsine's program and holy crap it feels good!! I am so unbelievably proud of myself for getting this far and there is no stopping me now. It's crazy how long it has taken me to get to where I am, although I don't have the six pack abs like a lot of girls get after finishing the 12 weeks I do have a new sense of pride in myself. I actually like myself now. 

I have never been kind to myself, I mean we are our own worst critic right? I feel like my confidence has soared ever since I finished week 12. Although, I still had my "bad" weeks they didn't stop me from working out. I set a goal for myself this year, to be the best, healthiest and strongest me. You know what? It's been working out. (what a pun!)

 I find that since finishing school and not having to be somewhere, or be forced to do something (schoolwork, assignments etc.) I have turned to be just a tad bit lazy. I work with my mom so anytime I need a day off I easily get it. This year things have changed, I still have a LONG way to go but I have changed. I schedule in workouts and I GET THEM DONE. I've thrown my excuses out the window and it has worked for me. 

I even joined a women's baseball team! It has been tough to get used to HAVING to be somewhere weekly but every time I get to the field and start playing, I remember why I joined. I'm doing something different, making a change, getting out of my comfort zone and having a great time with my friends. 

I urge you to get out of your comfort zone, you don't necessarily need to join a team but do that workout you have wanted to try, go to that class you have always wanted to do, JUST DO IT. Our lives are so temporary we need to make the best of them. Be the best you, that you can be. Only you can make those changes, so get up and do them. 

Get off your bum and move. I believe in you :) 

QOTW

"and like the moon,

she had a side of her 

so dark, that even the stars 

couldn't shine on it; 

she had a side of her 

so cold, that even the sun

couldn't burn on it" 

-abigail j

Hello my lovelies.

It has been a long time since I have posted a quote of the week, I saw this one today and it totally suits how I am feeling. 

I am very good at faking that I am doing great, so good in fact a lot of my close friends can't even tell if I'm fine or not unless I tell them. I know I could just reach out to talk to them, they'd listen, they always do but I hate being a burden, especially when I feel like my "problems" or feelings really don't have much reasoning. 

I suffer from anxiety. Not severe anxiety but anxiety, nonetheless. It's always there at the pit of my stomach, bubbling and wanting to take hold of my entire body. It's a sitting monster in my head whispering stupid nothings into my head. It makes me feel helpless and sad and can turn any good day bad in a snap of its fingers. 

I find that I can go months without it and then all of a sudden its there and becomes an unwelcome guest who never wants to leave. This last month that guest has stuck around and it's the most frustrating person in the entire world. This "anxious Kathy" just seems to want to hang around and she really has no reason to be here. My life is not bad, I don't have any troubles, I have a great family, an amazing fiancé, good friends, all the things you need to be happy I simply have. Yet, for some absurd reason I suffer from this internal demon who just won't screw off. 

I am constantly reminding myself day in and day out that life is good, that it's okay and that I'm okay. It's a daily fight. I am grateful that this anxiety doesn't stop my life. There are some who can't leave their homes or even their beds. There are days that I definitely don't want to but I'm a fighter. I won't allow it. I won't stop my life for this unwelcome guest. I keep on trekking. I push through it every single day and I'm damn proud of it. Life is hard for everyone. Everyone has their own battles and I urge you to be kind, to be understanding and to be present. Sometimes a call, a hug or an understanding ear is all that someone needs to feel okay again. Sometimes that person may sound like a broken record but thats okay. They need to talk about it, get it off their chests and that will most certainly make them feel better. I promise, I know from experience. 

I know that this anxiety will ease and hopefully soon she'll finally pack her beds and head out, she'll probably say "see you later" and thats alright. I am stronger than she ever will be. I have a support system that helps me greatly. I am lucky. I am blessed. 

I am bigger than my anxiety. 

What I'm eating

Since ending BBG 1.0 I feel like I have seriously plateaued and it's been messing with my head. I look in the mirror and get frustrated that I'm not seeing changes fast enough. I've been trying to remind myself that this is a journey not an overnight success. 

I have decided to give "clean" eating another try, one cheat meal a week and the rest will be all nutritious and healthy meals. I have to admit I have been doing fairly well but as always there are a few hiccups along the way ;) 

Here are a few things that I've been eating lately! Pictured above is a homemade salad with homemade turkey burgers on whole wheat english muffins. 

We've got some pho served with hummus and mary's original crackers. 

Smoothies have definitely become a staple, I find that they help me fit in more of the veggies that I need. 

Mixed veggies (snap peas, zucchini, red peppers, bean sprouts & mushrooms) and basmati rice. 

And of course I can't forget my go-to breakfast. Avocado (with sriracha) toast, an egg and a side of fruit. This will forever be my favourite breakfast! 

I don't really like labelling food "clean" or "dirty" because to me food is food. There is some that is obviously healthy and good for you and some that is not so good for you but still tastes damn good. I find that balance is the key to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. If I'm eating well everyday, a nice greasy burger and fries every once in a while won't hurt me. 

I hope that you have a wonderful weekend babes. 

xo 

BBG DONE

Before (January) - After (March)

Hey Babes,

Well it has once again been a few weeks since I last posted. I don't really feel all that bad because lets be real, we all expected this out of me ;) Although, I have been terrible keeping up with the blog I have been kicking fitnesses ass. 

Last Friday I finally for the first time since I started using this program (back in 2014) I finished the whole damn thing!!!  Weeks 1-12, the first guide was finally done by ME! I finally pulled through and  I'd be lying if I said I didn't get emotional when I finished it. I was so overwhelmed by my accomplishment that I teared up and gave myself a pat on the back. Hell, I deserved it. This program is no joke! 

I am currently on the second guide now, week 14. I feel like if I stopped to take a break that would completely derail my progress. This week I started a "cleanse" I am sticking to strict clean eating, that means no processed foods, sugars or alcohol. Today is day one and it's been going pretty well. I find that if I fill myself up on real foods my body doesn't crave or binge throughout the day! 

I am finally feeling so happy with myself and my accomplishments. I have been feeling rather emotional and under the weather lately but I am slowly beginning to learn how to manage my stress. 

My biggest issue for sure is stress management, once it gets to be too much I can get really overwhelmed and it feels like my body just shuts down. BUT I have stayed mentally strong, I am stronger than my stress and anxieties. I remind myself every day to take it day by day, live in the present enjoy what surrounds me and really count my blessings.  

I hope that you all have a fabulous week! Let's embrace this new week as a fresh start to make the changes we want to make, it's never to late to start over. This is the only life that you have, so live it with happiness, strength, health and lots of love!

xo