I keep writing and erasing ways on how i want to start todays post. But I find that I don't have any good ways to start it. 23 years ago my older brother passed away and today is his birthday.

 I never had the chance to meet him due to obviously not being born. My mom got pregnant with me the month after he passed, so I guess you can say I was there for when she was mourning his loss.

My whole life I have felt this connection with him… I know it may sound silly but seriously I do. I sometimes feel a loss and a yearning for him and I never met him. When I was a child I had a lot of imaginary friends (i'm not crazy i swear!) and my mom has told me that many many times I would say that I was playing with Terry.

 So here I am thinking about him and wondering who he would have been and what our relationship would have been like… It will always be something I think about.

My sister and I have been talking about getting a sister tattoo for the longest time, we have both agreed that we want something to honour our older brother… But the problem is we're both pretty big chickens and the thought of the pain and how permanent tattoos are has made us back out a bunch of times. This year we wanted to get it done today on his birthday but the idea literally came up five days ago… definitely not enough time to really think it through. But one day i have promised myself that I will do it. I will honour my brother in the little way that I can. I will always think about him, I will always talk about him and I will always consider myself the middle child.

Terry, I hope that you are celebrating your day wherever you are because we are celebrating it here… we will always remember you.


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