just keep swimming.

lately i honestly feel like the queen of debbie downers. i cannot believe how negative and awful i have been feeling, all because i cant find a job. it's ridiculous if you ask me and completely unnecessary. i have a wonderful life. a loving family. an amazing boyfriend. i'm HEALTHY. there are so many people who have harder lives. i'm so lucky, yet i feel like such a failure.

you know, society really takes a toll on you once in a while. there is such a vision as to what you should be or where you should be at a certain age. it's unfair... i'm trying so hard to be positive. but its so hard when you have that constant reminder from people who shouldn't even matter that you should be doing better. i feel myself just burying myself, deeper and deeper in a hole and its becoming harder and harder to crawl out of it. 

i need to start being more positive. maybe a new job hasn't been coming my way because i'm supposed to do something better? maybe i'm confused about my future because i need to be reminded to enjoy the right now. i worry SO MUCH about my future, its sickening. instead of enjoying my 20s i'm focused on my 30s and what i want to be by then (even though i haven't the SLIGHTEST clue what that will be) 

i just think i need to stop. stop it all. stop the worrying. the over thinking. the freaking out. the depression. and just focus on the good of my life and just ROLL with it. life will figure itself out right? i'll get it right eventually. and how dory would say... 

"when life gets ya down, do you wanna know what you've gotta do? JUST KEEP SWIMMING, JUST KEEP SWIMMING, JUST KEEP SWIMMING!" 

it's gonna be alright. 

xoxo